Ever have a song stuck in your head, one where you love it at times and then get annoyed that it's still stuck there?
You're that song, Em. For the most part, I go about my day and don't even think of you. Then, randomly and without warning, something -- anything, really -- will remind me of you, whether it be a song (kind of ironic), or a movie or a picture; even other people, their laugh or smile or the way they walk.
I wrote once that you mean a lot to me, and I don't know if this meaning has been lost to me. Why do you still haunt my thoughts? Shouldn't this feeling fade as time wanes on?
I don't write as much about you as I used to; I think I peaked, but maybe that's a good thing. I kind of hope that it stops altogether, honestly. And I know you wouldn't like having a boy stuck on you like this.
The other day I had a dream about you, one I can remember everything about. It was weird as fuck. I was in a parking garage leaving a movie theater, and I was thinking "Wouldn't it be weird if..." and sure enough, there you were, walking towards me unaware I was in front of you. I called your name and you looked up.
I don't know what kind of things you felt or thought then, but I felt -- I don't really know that, either. I felt both anxious and upset at the same time. I kept thinking back to how we left things. I hate the fact it bothers me so much, but it would've been nice for you to answer me. Wasn't that sort of the plan? For me to go get my act together and then try to at least keep you in my life in some capacity? Even if it was the occasional conversation?
I wonder during class on some days whether or not we'll ever see each other again. The weirdest thing -- I saw your mom and sister in the green CR-V a few months ago. They were literally right next to me. I don't think they would've recognized me if I had awkwardly waved and half-smiled, but that's neither here nor there.
I'm leaving this up here, lost among the other random-ass webpages, in hopes you'll see it and maybe read it.
All I've ever really wanted you to know is that I care about you. Really, I do and I always will.
I'm sorry I took so long to get myself together. I really did fall pretty hard for you -- twice, actually. While you'll never believe me, I loved the girl I met after we broke up even more than the girl I met at that concert. Maybe I'll keep on loving that girl. I'm just not sure I'd recognize her if I ever met her again.
She'll always mean something to me.
I'll always be around if you ever change your mind about me!
